i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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