Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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