I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
