I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
