My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
