What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
