Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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