My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
not ubering you a puppy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
