So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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