I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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