Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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