I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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