Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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