that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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