i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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