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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
