Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
