That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
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Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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