drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
