Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
