Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
