I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
