i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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