Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
