sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
