I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Less talking, more tequila
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
