my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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