Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
