Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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