I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
