Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
