Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize