I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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