Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
