Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
