she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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