You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
