I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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