I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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