Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
