that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
