Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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