New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
