So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
