I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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