I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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