so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
