Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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