did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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