We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
