the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
