If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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