i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
