Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
