I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
