You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she told me i tasted like america
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
