i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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