I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A+ Viking dick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
