Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
