were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
