I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize