but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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