Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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