That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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