it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
