I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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