If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
