there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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