Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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