i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
