I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
