I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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