This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
