That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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