to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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