so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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