i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
