You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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