Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
