i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
