Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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