So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
