3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
