why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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